Some are saying that the Nibiru cataclysm has finally hit home. Well, not home exactly but close enough. Amateur astronomers around the world reported that last night’s Blue Moon rose broken into large fragments as seen in the photo above. With overwhelming photographic evidence soon in hand, astronomers skeptical of the existence of the giant asteroid Nibiru and its treacherous trajectory not only had to admit their failure to see this nemesis-of-the-night coming but somehow find room in current theory to account for its existence.
“We just thought this Nibiru thing was a joke,” said astrophysicist Dr. Yrots Sugob of the Estonian Academy of Sciences, Institute of Physics in Tartu. “I loved watching all the Youtube videos about how it would destroy everything. Gave me a laugh. Well, I’m not laughing anymore.”
Moments after news of the moon’s breakup arrived at the Central Bureau for Astronomical Telegrams, Prof. Ekaf Retsasid, was ready to pick up the phone to call the president when he saw the red light flashing on the amateur astronomer call-in line.
“I said to myself, I better get this,” said Retasid. “Those amateurs are down with everything up there.”
He guessed correctly. An amateur in Japan had witnessed the lunar break up, but when everyone else ran home to hide in their basements for fear of being struck by flying moon crust, he risked his life to get one more picture. And that’s when an even more incredible thing happened. As suddenly as moon was sundered, it reassembled itself whole again.
“I about fell over,” said Tsuj Gniddik, a Turkish-born member of the Astronomical Society of Japan. “The lunar fragments fell back together and within minutes, our satellite came together again. Just like your American Humpty Dumpty. Only this time with a happy ending!”
As soon as Retsasid got the news, he gently lowered the presidential hotline and made several calls to confirm the Japanese observation, then flopped back in his chair relieved.
“Astronomy is getting W-A-Y too stressful,” said Retsasid. You never know day to day what’s going to blow up anymore. First it’s a supernova, then colliding neutron stars. Good gosh, even satellites are falling. I think it’s time to seriously look into virtual reality.”
For my part, I got word over the Internet, so quickly sped from home to get some pictures both during and after the calamity.
But the story’s not over. While the moon’s destruction was well understood, how could it come together again, and so quickly?
“That’s easy,” said NASA astronomer Erup Esnesnon. “First, there’s gravity. Gravity will naturally act on the individual fragments to pull them back into a spherical shape. But gravity is too slow to do this in just minutes. I propose that atmospheric refraction, well known for its ability to act as a prism and push the bottom of the moon into the top, melded the pieces together with the help of gravity.”
Other scientists have their doubts and instead believe that Nibiru belongs to a special class of asteroids called “gluoids.” Gluoids are thought to possess oceans of sticky, glue-like, organic material beneath their surfaces. If the impact angle is favorable, the “glue” can be released and quickly put the moon back together, saving the day.
Consider the ramifications of this event. We now see asteroids in a completely new light, not simply as destroyers of worlds but as healers and repairers of cosmic catastrophe. What more positive news could there be on April 1st?